Party Time

Have I been sleeping? I awoke to the sound of children giggling. When I stumbled to the seat from my hungover slumber I found someone at the window. It was Ray's kids. They were trying to give me something.





It was pink. It had Barbies on it. And it was written "TO: to" and "FROM: from". I guess it was for me. It was an invitation to a party. The party was to be held in Ray's daughters' bedroom. I wasn't all that interested. But I hadn't been out of the car for some fun in months. So I thought, why not?



Once I got inside I found that it was nothing more than a couple kids, two balloons, and some toys.



I was hoping for naked chicks. This was the best I could do.



It was time to turn this into a real party. I headed downstairs and grabbed a handful of beers from Ray's fridge. He must be broke. All he had were some old Natural Ice. But ... it was bottled, and cold. Once the kids got a couple bottles in their systems they started making this face ...




And this ...



AND THIS! ...




Now ... the party wasn't so bad. The kids and I really started enjoying ourselves. Ray's son took a liking to a stuffed toy. I don't know what the hell he was mumbling about. Something about Pokemon. At any rate, he was having a good time.



You know any time you get a couple of kids drunk, you have to take turns doing body stack push-up's. Ray's son did a much better job than I did lifting him up. And you have to admit ... this kid is doing pretty good for light-body with 4 beers in him!



Ray's daughter joined in the fun, and gave me a piggy back ride back to the car where I promptly passed out cold.



Thanks for the good time, kids. Now ... when is Ray going to take me out drinking?  ¶ 5:12 PM

 
It's way too hot today to be out there. It must be about 90 degrees. It's a good day to stay inside and get drunk off of Ray's beer.  ¶ 10:15 AM

 

These kids are cool. They are always getting me drunk.  ¶ 9:51 AM

 

Discount Man Learns His Lesson

Discount Man can over this evening, and he was chilling in the basement at Rays house. We were having some conversations about laptops, and I mentioned that his Sony VAIO was the kind of laptops that homosexuals take to coffee shops. He started mouthing off and talking all this crap about my mother being a muppet, and that got me REALLY mad.

I went straight for the jugular on that punk.



He dropped like a sack of potato's. Then I went for the family jewels. BLAUGH!



I put him into a sleeper hold, and that was all she wrote. He was out like a switch.



By the way, thank you Ray for taking the pictures of this whole ordeal. And as for you Discount Man, YOU BETTAH' COME CORRECT!  ¶ 6:47 PM

 

Lazy Saturday Afternoon

So I wake up this morning, and I am ON FIRE. It must be 120 degrees in Ray's Bug. That jerk could have at least cracked a window for me. I know I probably shouldn't get out and wander around during the day. Ray would kill me. But I thought I might sneak out and see what's going on inside.





As soon as I walk in the door, these idiot dogs come over and get RIGHT in my face. Housepets are really stupid. Go fetch a bone. Beat it!



It was a lot cooler in the house. Must be nice. I REALLY wanted something cold. Ray's all right. He keeps his beer on the bottom shelf. Speaking of Ray, I could see the basement lights were on. He was down there drilling away on his keyboard. I knew if he caught me in his beer, he would be pretty pissed. But he won't notice one beer missing.



I got a little nervous when I heard some commotion outside. It turned out to be the neighbors playing their music really loud and dancing around the driveway. Humans in general can be pretty stupid looking, but a fat white guy in a polo shirt dancing to Snoop Dog is just ... well you know. Ray's wife is always stocking the cabinet FULL of Little Debbies. Like those peanut butter things. Nutty Buddies! I wanted a Nutty Buddy. Even if she notices some snacks missing, she will blame the kids.




After a Nutty Buddy, and half a beer, I was feeling refreshed. I headed upstairs to poke around. Ray left his bedroom door standing open, and his laptop sitting out. He won't mind if I take a peek. I was hoping to find some nice Monster Porn, but it looks like all Ray has been doing on his laptop lately is working on his stupid wardriving book. LAME.



On my way back downstairs, I stopped to say a few words to Ray's kid Andy. Andy is all right. He's a smart kid. I don't think he really likes me too much, but I don't really have anyone else to hang out with.



Andy sat me down and explained all his Pokemon stickers to me. These ugly ass creatures are wierder looking than me. There is this one Pokemon that looks kind of like me. Horns and everything. When Andy wasn't looking, I swiped it.



After chilling with Andy for a bit, I went next door to say hello to his sister. Bella is really nice to me. Almost too nice. I'm supposed to be scary to kids this age, but she is always hugging on me. It's a little embarassing.



Bella insisted on checking my blood pressure, and heart rate. I think I am pretty healthy for a middle aged plush toy. No major ailments or heart defects.



I got bored with all these kids games, and so I recommended we find something more fun to do. The neighbors have this little yappy dog that's about half as tall as me. Every time I try to head down to the gas station un-noticed, that retarded housepet yaps at me. I told Andy and Bella we should get a pillow case, trap that dog in it, and then throw it in the ditch down the street.



It turns out that those kids are a little kinder than I had thought. They were growing tiresome of my company. At one point, Andy threatened to go get Ray out of the basement and tell him that I had left the back seat again. And so I had worn out my welcome, and I headed home.



I really like my home, but it's just so hot. And Ray leaves me in there *ALL* the time. He is always saying that I will "scare away any potential thieves". Hell, maybe I will steal his car. It's so damned small, MY feet can almost reach the pedals.



Another day perhaps. It's a nice day for sunbathing and a nap.

  ¶ 3:14 PM